Some tips for talking with your child about loss:
·There is no “best” way to talk with students about
this. The main point to remember is to
just be honest. Openly recognize your
feelings by sharing that you are
upset and feeling sad too.
•Focus on the facts. Less is more.
It’s ok to say “I don’t know” if they ask you a question you can’t
answer.
·Establish
open lines of communication. Let
children know it is ok to talk about this.
How they are feeling.
•Avoid euphemistic phrases that may confuse children (i.e.
she’s not with us anymore). Young or
very concrete children might think “where did she go?”
•Remind your child that everyone deals with grief and
sadness in different ways. Just because
someone isn’t crying doesn’t mean they don’t feel sad. Reassure kids it’s also ok if they want to
sit quietly or don’t want to talk about it.
·It is not always easy to “hear” what a child is really asking. It may be necessary to respond to a question
with a question to fully understand the child’s real concern. Focus on
answering the hidden meaning of the question being asked. Questions and statements that kids make may
reflect fears for their own health and safety or that of loved ones.
·A
death often brings up memories and feelings of a previous death or loss in
their lives.
•Suggest ways to help support family and close friends. (For example make cards, draw pictures, share
memories). School will plan a more
lasting memorial in the coming weeks.
BOOKS FOR CHILDREN
Adams, John. The Dragonfly
Door. Feather Rock Books,
2007. Life cycle of dragonfly.
Bunting, Eve. Rudi's Pond. Sandpiper
2004. A group of school children
respond to the illness
and death of the
narrator's best friend, Rudi, by helping to build a pond in his memory.
Buscaglia, Leo. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf. Slack, Inc., 1982. 32pp. Story for children of Freddie
the Leaf depicting the balance between life and death.
Cohen,
Janice. I Had a Friend Named Peter.
Morrow, 1987. Talking to children about the
Death of a friend.
O’Toole, Donna. Aarvy Aardvark Finds Hope. Celo Press, 1988. 80 pp. A story for most children of Aarvy’s journey
through grief. Helps express feelings of
pain, hope, and growth.
Viorst, Judith. The Tenth Good Thing About Barney. Macmillan, 1988. 25pp. Story of the death of Barney the cat,
suitable for young children.
Book for Parents
Trozzi, Maria &
Massimini, Kathy. Talking with Children About Loss. Perigee, 1999. Words,
strategies, and wisdom to help children cope
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